I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
