he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
