hotel room ftw
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
