question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
