i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
