How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
