I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
not ubering you a puppy
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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