I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
