I feel great
I just peed on a car
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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