Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
