I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
