I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
