he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
