Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
