Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
