What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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