I never want to see another naked old woman again.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
