I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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