Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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