ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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