??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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