did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
