Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
