I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
