no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
