dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
