The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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