You made me cry and you don't even care
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
