Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
