my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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