we have officially lost it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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