Will you blow on my dice?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
