My sheets look like a crime scene.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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