my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
