And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
