I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
