Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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