I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
