i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
