My first STD was from a foam party
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
