We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
