I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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