you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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