i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
