The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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