apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
