super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
