he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
