the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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