i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
